I See You

Life is in full swing.  I guess this is what being an adult looks like.  Every weekend, I buy groceries, clean the house, do laundry, and run errands.  Monday comes around, and the stress and responsibilities of my job hit me.  I go to work, come home, "cook" dinner (a.k.a. find food to eat), try to relax a little, get ready for work the next day, pack a lunch, and go to bed.  I wake up the next morning and do it all over again.  It can be overwhelming at times.  Life can be overwhelming at times.  And, I often wonder.  How do people do this?  How do women have jobs, husbands, children, and all the other responsibilities that come along with being an adult?  How do they have enough time in the day, energy, and love to go around?

I often wonder will I able to do that some day.  If some day down the road God chooses to bless me with a husband and children, I wonder what it will look like.  Or, if He calls me to foster care or adoption on my own, I wonder what it will look like.  Will I have what it takes?  I'm tired now.  Will I have what it takes then?  I want to be a good mom.  I want to not only be a good mom, but a godly mom, a strong mom.  I want to discipline my kids in a way that leads them down the right path, but doesn't break their spirit.  I want to raise children who love God, love others, and learn to love themselves.  I want to lead in a way that is honorable and trustworthy.  I want to be a mom whose children respect and look up to her because I am wise, gracious, loving, forgiving, uplifting, generous, merciful, joyful, patient, gentle, and self controlled.

Then, I see you.

I see you because I work with you, go to church with you, and am just close friends with you.  I see you single mommas and married mommas come to work (or work at home) each day.  I know you've taken care of all the people in your household and made it to work on time, regardless of what miraculous feats that took.  I know you went to work, came home, cooked dinner, tried to relax a little, got ready for work the next day, packed lunches, and went to bed.  I know you woke up this morning, and you'll do it all over again today.  I can imagine it can be overwhelming at times.  Life can be overwhelming at times.  I often wonder.  How do you do this?  How do you have a job, a husband (or do it on your own), children, and all the other responsibilities that come along with being an adult?  How do you have enough time in the day, energy, and love to go around?

I see you, and you make it look easy.  YOU have what it takes.  I know you're tired, but you have what it takes.  You're a good mom.  You're a godly, strong mom.  You discipline your children in a way that clearly teaches them right from wrong.  And, your children don't have broken spirits, because you've disciplined them in love (not frustration and anger).  You're raising children to love God, love others, and learn to love themselves.  You lead in a way that is honorable and trustworthy.  YOU are a mom whose children respect and look up to you because you are wise, gracious, loving, forgiving, uplifting, generous, merciful, joyful, patient, gentle, and self controlled.

I see YOU.  And, YOU are doing an awesome job.  To some of you reading this, your greatest blessings call me (or will some day call me) Aunt Sara.  I see you, beautiful momma.  You are rocking it!  I see you when you think you look a hot mess, put your make-up on in the car, barely got to shower.  I see you when the baby cries, the toddler pitches a fit, and nothing seems to be going right.  I see you, and some day I hope to be half the mom you already are!

Easter Ramblings

This year at my church my pastor did a four week sermon series leading up to Easter Sunday.  Each week he preached from a passage about a different person and their encounter with Jesus after He had risen from the dead.  We talked about Mary Magdalene, Thomas, Peter, Paul, and you (or me in my case).  I didn't see the "you" part coming on Sunday.  (I have blonde moments.  Ok?!)  When we started the series, I thought, "Oh yeah, here we go again.  Let's do another Easter sermon series like I haven't heard it all before."  (That's awful.  I know it is.)  But, honestly, I learned so much from the last weeks of looking closely at Jesus' encounters with those He loved and continued to use after He went on to heaven.  After the first sermon on Mary, I thought that I really identified with her.  It seemed like the message was meant just for me.  But, that happened every week since, and I have identified with every person and their stories of encountering Jesus.  I have to say though, I identify most with Thomas and Peter.

I've often thought about and related to Thomas.  How he is portrayed after Jesus is crucified and appears to the disciples sounds a lot like many scenes from my own life.  I had never really thought about it before, but people gave him the nickname "Doubting Thomas".  He is not referred to by that name in the Bible.  Nonetheless, I relate to his nickname, too.  I listened to the message about the scene from John 20 over the weekend.  The story unfolds that Jesus appeared to the disciples after he was crucified and buried.  But, Thomas is not there.  Thomas hears the story second hand.  He doesn't believe the disciples and says he won't believe unless he can put his hands on Jesus' hands and side.  Eight days pass.  Eight days.  It's not a long time.  But, in Thomas' situation, I think it would have felt like an eternity.  After eight days pass, Jesus appears to the disciples again, and Thomas is there this time.  Jesus speaks to Thomas in love saying, "Peace be with you."  Jesus is not scared of Thomas' doubt.  And, by the end of the scene, Thomas has fallen to the ground at Jesus' feet in surrender.  But, did you know that we don't even know if Thomas ever touched Jesus?  Those were his "demands", but we don't know that he ever touched Jesus.

I sat and thought about Thomas and what happened in this story.  And, it reminded me so much of so many times in my life.  I'm such a "Doubting Thomas".  I have to see it to believe it.  There have been so many "eight day" seasons in my life of waiting on God and hoping He'll come through for me.  All the while, I am actually doubting Him.  I don't really have faith that He will take care of me.  I have to see it to believe it.  I remember a few years ago I made plans to go to East Asia for a year.  I made arrangements and got things in order over a period of one summer... like eight weeks.  (Hmm...there's that eight again.)  A ton of things went wrong.  I messed up my visa application so much that I was fairly certain it wouldn't work out.  But, then, it did.  God was in that.  It was ALL Him, actually.  I had to raise a fairly large amount of money to live off of for the year.  I had BIG doubts about that.  I was trying to figure out a way to pay my own way.  But, then, God had other plans, and the money was raised in less than a summer for the year to follow.  It was crazy!  God has taken care of me every time I've needed Him.  And, through it all, I doubt Him.  But, I learned through Thomas this Easter season that God can use the doubters.  He isn't scared of our doubt.  He doesn't back away from us or shy away from what we need from Him.  God wants us to know the truth.  The truth pushes out all doubt.  That's the truth I'm resting in lately.  The truth is that God used Thomas, even though he doubted Him.  And, if He can use Thomas, He can use me.

I think about Peter, too.  I relate so much to Peter it's kinda scary.  Peter was adamant about not denying Jesus when they talked about it.  In Luke 22:34, Jesus says that Peter will deny Him three times.  Peter swears he would never do such as that.  By the time you read Luke 22:62, Peter has denied Jesus three times.  I've known that part of Scripture and would consider myself to be fairly familiar with it.  But, then, my pastor lead us to John 21:15.  In this section of the chapter, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?"  I had never noticed before that Jesus asks the question three times.  Three times Jesus asks the question, and three times Peter had denied Him.  Woah!  (Again, maybe I was having a blonde moment.  Maybe, I'm the only one here.)  But, I had never thought about it or looked that closely.  In my Bible, the title of this section is "Jesus Reinstates Peter".  I looked up "reinstate".  Listed as the definition, it says: to put (someone) back in a job or position that had been taken away.  Dude!  That's deep.

So, I look at Peter and just this snapshot of his life as we read about it in Scripture.  And, it speaks volumes into my heart because I'm a big, fat sinner.  Anyway you look at it, regardless of how you dress it up, I've denied Jesus.  The year of serving in East Asia I mentioned earlier, I totally and completed jacked that up.  My sin followed me across the world and thousands of miles.  It wasn't pretty.  It was awful actually.  The tally is WAY PAST three times for me.  It's beyond three strikes; you're out!  I can't even begin to total up the times I've sinned, denied Him, lived however I wanted to live.  But, Jesus reinstates me.  He puts me back in a position that sin had taken away.  Sin doesn't get the last word.  Christ's death on the cross isn't even the final say.  It used to be that the penalty for sin was death. But, Jesus took care of that.  His resurrection has the final say, the last word!  He rose again!  Because of His resurrection, I know sin is defeated.  So, even though I've screwed up and made a mess of things, His grace is enough for me.

"Not-Yet Married"

So, I'm not positive, but there is probably some rule prohibiting sharing a blog post in your own blog.  However, I don't care.  This was too good not to share!  It was so well written.  And, don't think I didn't notice a new name for the category most singles are in: not-yet married.  Love this!  It's so point on.  (Link listed below.)  If you know me very well at all, then, you know a few things about my feelings toward singleness and how our society views it.   Nevertheless, I will share them a little here, just in case.

#1:  I can't stand it when married people try to preach to singles or about singleness. 
Here's the thing.  If you married right out of college, you really don't know what it means to be single.  It's just that simple.  If you married your high school sweetheart, I'm not even gonna go there.  Your clever tweets or sayings don't mean a whole lot because you know nothing about the subject on which you are speaking.  It would be like me trying to give my married friends advice on being married.  I've never been married.  So, on that matter, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.  I really can't give any advice about loving a husband, being a good wife, or raising children.  I've never done it.

#2:  I can't stand it when people (in general) ask me if I'm dating someone / if I want to get married / if I want to have children.  
First of all, if I was dating someone, you'd know it.  It would not be a secret.  Secondly, just because I'm single, it does not mean I do not want to get married.  I do.  Most single people I know want to get married.  It's not like we're against marriage or have some marriage haters' club.  And, as for having children, I want to have children.  Most single people I know want to have children.  But, as if it's not obvious, I would like to have the husband first and then the children.  That's the best order I have found.  Furthermore, when certain people ask me one or all of these questions, it's all I can do not to come back with a smart alec comment.

This is what I'm tempted to say...

#3:  Singles are not the Junior Varsity or some unimportant, no-name sect of people.
I think in our culture there are some huge misconceptions about singles, especially in the "American Christianity" culture.  In the church, a single person can truly be made to feel like the Junior Varsity, while the married couples are the Varsity.  It's just not true.  Plain and simple.  There is nothing wrong with single people or singleness.  Therefore, we do not enjoy being treated as less than or inferior to married people.  Our culture / society has created this problem.  I think it has gone on for a long time, and no one knows how to fix it.

I went off on this little tangent simply to share some thoughts.  If you're married, I'm happy for you.  I've heard it's one of the best decisions a person can ever make.  I am in no way bitter toward you or bitter about being single.  It is what it is.  I'm trusting in God's timing and perfect plan for me.  Every person I know is in some form or another in a "different season" in life.  I'm in mine, and you're in yours.  If you're single and honest, I think you might agree with some of the things I've said.  If not, it's cool.  We can agree to disagree.  But, you should totally read the blog post I mentioned earlier.  It's worth your time.  Here's the link:  Single, Satisfied, and Sent 

Baby Stewart's Shower

On Sunday, I had the privilege of helping host a baby shower for two of my dearest friends, Emily and Kyle.  They are pregnant with their first, baby girl Stewart.  We had so much fun celebrating them and baby girl Sunday afternoon.  I tried to create a storybook theme for the shower, complete with a storybook cake, Dr. Seuss sign-in book, and a "Once Upon a Baby" banner.  I can admit it: I had fun decorating for this shindig!  Tracy, Jennifer, Carrie, and I all had fun throwing this shower for the Stewart's.  I think seeing all the cute pink, purple, and ORANGE (for the UT Vols of course) frills, bows, socks, hats, and outfits really made it real!  She'll be here so soon!

Decorations!!! (Hanging decor made possible by Brian Rowell.)

The sweet cake...it was so good!

The corsage, the quilt, sweet friends...

Of course, the shower would not have been complete without a few funny things.  Emily's corsage was so pretty and purple.  Tracy and I forgot about it until halfway through the shower.  Then, pinning it on  became quite the task.  Several brave souls tried, but none succeeded.  It was pretty funny!  Then, there was the cake cutting.  None of us wanted to do it.  But, luckily, Tracy stepped up and did an awesome job!  

The quilt was made by my mom.  And, I have to brag on her for a minute.  It is so beautiful!  I helped pick out the colors and fabric, but take NONE of the credit.  My mom did an awesome job!  It is so special to me.  Emily is one of my closest friends.  She's been there for me through many, many things over the years, both happy and difficult times.  It's just special to celebrate with her and Kyle.  And, I think I speak for so many people when I say, I can't wait to meet her!!!!  I'm so stinkin' excited!  Kyle and Emily are going to make great parents.  I think baby girl already has them wrapped around her little finger, especially Kyle.  

It's been a while...

So, I think it's safe to say:  I'm a horrible blogger.  Considering my last post was in December, I should probably be fired.  Haha.  I guess I just haven't had enough exciting things to write about lately.  However, I will say 1 big change has happened in my life recently.  I moved from the Downline house where I lived for the past year.  At the end of July, all the ladies of Yorkshire Manor moved out and a new group of Emerging Leader ladies moved in.  (They're awesome!)  It was bittersweet.  Kelly, Jill, JaNell, and I all stayed in Memphis.  Liz set out on her next big adventure and moved to Nashville.  (She's the happiest girl I know, as it's been a dream of hers to live in Nashville! :)

Anyway, I moved from the Manor to Binghampton.  If you know me very well, you know what a big deal this is.  BINGHAMPTON!!!  And, I'm probably the happiest girl to be living in this neighborhood.  Seriously!  This has been 5 years in the making.  I'll take you back 5 years real quick to explain myself.  In 2008, I worked for a urban home repair ministry here in Memphis called SOS, Service Over Self.  It was there that God truly rocked my world, and I haven't been the same since.  It was through SOS that God really broke my heart for the poor and showed me what His Word says about loving and serving them.  I worked on summer staff at SOS again in 2009.  That summer God spoke very clearly to me about a few things.  What He showed me was a clear calling on my life to the inner city and to the nations.  It was almost like He was saying, "This is where I want you.  I want you to live among and serve the poor and the nations.  And, if you're not doing those two things, you're disobeying me.  It's that simple."  No, He didn't talk to me in an audible voice.  (Although, that would have been pretty awesome!)  But, He made it very clear through hearing the same passage of scripture taught several times in a matter of days.

So, now, I find myself living in the Bing.  And, I have to admit:  so far, I haven't lived any more intentionally than I did in East Memphis or Bartlett.  I'm learning my view of community and neighborhood needs to change.  I'm learning I need to step outside myself alot more in order to really love my neighbors.  I'm learning there are deeply rooted sins that rear their ugly heads more often now that I live in this neighborhood.  I'm learning sweet Mrs. Taylor, who lives next door, could teach me alot about gardening.  Her yard puts ours to shame!  I'm learning I have so much to learn from my neighbors.  I have so much to learn about loving the way Christ did.  To love without reservation or thought of what it might cost me.  To love unselfishly and with no expectation of anything in return. 

PJ party and St. Jude Half Marathon

On Friday night, the EL girls had a Christmas party complete with pj's, cooking decorating, a bonfire, games, and the movie, Elf.  It was great just hang out and start the Christmas season off together.

Merry Christmas!!!

Karly and I had fun with this awesome stocking blanket!

Then, on Saturday, I went to the St. Jude Half Marathon.  This is the 2nd year in a row that I've been able to cheer on friends running in the race.  It was so fun!  And, the St. Jude races are so much more meaningful than most.  All proceeds go to raise money for children with cancer.  It's also really cool because the city of Memphis comes together in a beautiful way for a great cause.  Anyway, let me give you the rundown of my runners.  Brian and Emily ran the half for the first time!  And, Kyle ran the half for the second time!  Tracy and I had fun tracking their times and finding them along the race path.  It was such a fun day!  Great job guys!

The Rowell's

Silly Stewart's!

Go Brian!!!

Go Kyle!!!

Go Emily!!!

Family Thanksgiving

It was good!  We ate alot of food and laughed alot, too.  I finally got to eat my Memaw's carrot cake.  My mom made the cake, and I made the icing.  It was to die for!

The feast!  (I told her to do that. ;)



Me and my cousin, Olivia



The uncles and Dad... rough lookin' crew!

EL Thanksgiving!!!

Saturday night, we had our Emerging Leaders Thanksgiving dinner.  We had tons of delicious food and time to spend together.  Or, watch football.  (ahem. ahem.)  Nevertheless, it was great to be together.  :)

EL girls!



We were missing a few in the first one.
A few people's heads were cut off in this one!  Love it though!

Halloween 2012

Halloween was awesome this year.  Our house hosted a party for the EL program.  And, I have to say it was great!  Liz and Kelly did a fantastic job of decorating and planning the party.  We had a dance party, photo booth, and bonfire with s'mores!  We also had tons of food.  Everyone dressed up, and there are pics to prove it!  :)

Cute house

Very interesting bonfire...




Ballerina and Batman...



Madea came!

Yorkshire girls  :)

Me and Becca



Me, Rachel, and Jacob

A year ago today...

A year ago today I was flying from East Asia to Memphis.  I can't believe it's been a year.  That's just crazy!  My experience in and around East Asia was a vortex of weirdness up until a couple of months ago.  And, then with the Lord's help and the help of several godly women, I was really challenged to deal with things.  For the first time, I brought it all before the Lord in prayer.  And, everything began to change.  Finally, there are many things I see now that I didn't see before.  And, there are a few things I need to get off my chest.

While I was in East Asia and after I came home, I was not a pleasant person to be around.  I was jerk to my family and friends.  (There's another word I could use, but it's not blog appropriate or very ladylike.)  I was not myself.  I was rude and hurtful.  I did damage to probably every relationship in my life, including my relationship with the Lord.  I see that now.  I tried to do it all on my own.  I tried to deal with all the changes and challenges without any help from anyone.  I didn't want to tell people when I was struggling or what was difficult about the experience.  I thought I could handle everything.  Well, clearly, that didn't work out at all.  I see that now, too.  We were never meant to "do this life" alone, not here in the U.S. or wherever God may call us to go.  And, that has been one of the most painful lessons I've ever had to learn.

Also, I've learned that the enemy (that's what I call him) is very really.  He seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.  And, for way too long, He did all of those things in my life.  He stole my joy.  He killed my enthusiasm for what the Lord has called me to.  He destroyed my thoughts and mindset.  I let the enemy have WAY TOO much say in my life.  All of this happened because my relationship with the Lord was not what it should have been.  And, the enemy loves to attack when we are trying to obey what God has called us to do.

In all of this, I have learned that I must take responsibility for things that went "wrong".  I have learned some things happened that were out of my control.  And, I have learned that sometimes the Lord allows us to experience seasons of suffering, and we may never know why.  It may just be the only way He could get the most glory.  Or, it may just be the only way He can teach us what we need to learn.  I can promise you this though.  I will never be the same because of what He has taught and is still teaching me.  You know people say that time heals all wounds.  I believe it's the Lord who heals all wounds.

East Asian cuteness!

Catching up...

I'm probably about 2 weeks behind on posting.  Oh well!  Ha!  It's been a good 2 weeks though.  As far as classes go, I've really enjoyed reading through and learning Exodus the week before last.  And, then last week, we studied Joshua.  The EL class on Thursday night was about Angelology and Demonology.  Very interesting to say the least!

The week before last, I kinda snuck out of town and took a trip to Ohio to see dear friends.  Jennifer and I left earlier Thursday morning and came home last Monday.  It was such a sweet time of being with the Johnston's.  We just love and miss them a ton!  (I know we aren't the only ones!)  They really are more like family than friends.  On Friday, we went to a nearby train station and loaded up bikes to go riding.  We got on the train where we parked and took a short ride.  Then, we unloaded our bikes and rode one of the trails.  It was a beautiful day and all the leaves were changing.  We stopped somewhere along the way for a picnic.  Then, we rode the rest of the way back to where we started.  That night it rained, and we decided to get creative.  So, sometime in the night, we were ripping pallets apart in the garage.  :)

Me and Jennifer on the train

Me and Jenn bike riding

Ryan, Addi, and Debby

Thinking...contemplating...

Brute strength...

On Saturday, Jenn, Debby, and I went to get crafting supplies to make pallet signs.  We came back and set to work cutting, measuring, nailing, and painting.  It was really fun for a raining day!

The girls covering their ears because of the nail gun. :)

They were sooooo meticulous!

Our finished signs!  They turned out great!

On Sunday, we all got up and went to church.  We had lunch at Chipotle.  Later that afternoon, Jenn and I carved pumpkins with the girls (and half the neighborhood:).  Sunday night, Jenn and I talked Ryan and Debby into going out while we stayed home to "babysit" the girls.  We wouldn't have had it any other way!  It was such a great time to get away and spend time with loved ones.

Carving the pumpkin!

Making the face!

Love them!!!

Color Run fun!!!

So, today, I had alot of fun at the Color Run 5k.  Although we didn't even run, we had a great time being together and gettin' our "Color on"!  The run was set up so that we got covered in a different color at certain points along the path.  So, we had "color" thrown at us in this order: yellow, pink, orange, and blue.  Then, at the end, we had a color party.  Every person that registered for the race received a color packet.  We were supposed to keep the color packets with us until the end of the race.  Then, at the end, we all threw the color up and around.  It was awesome!  And, it was super fun!  I have tons of pics, but I'll just share the highlights.

Pre-race: Girls

Pre-race: Guys

COLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post-race: Guys

Post-race: Girls

(Orbitz gum commercial!)

Information overload... and a wedding :)

My first week of October was filled with awesomeness!  No kidding.  On Monday night (last week), we learned about the life of Joseph.  Yes, we're still in Genesis!  That was just the first hour.  The second hour was on the "How To's of Discipleship".  On Wednesday morning, we continued with "Myths of Discipleship" and more on the life of Joseph.  Luckily, we had praise and worship for our Thursday night class.  Then, on Friday night and Saturday morning, we had an optional church history retreat.  Talk about over my head!  We went through years 100-1500 in 6 hours.  I'm in information overload.  That's for sure!

Really big words...

Also, over the weekend, I had the privilege of seeing a sweet friend marry her best friend.  Despite the cold and rain, it was beautiful.  Their special day was a precious picture of the body of Christ.  And, I'm so happy for them!  Congratulations Catherine and Andy!

The Bride!

Finishing September!

So again, I'm a little late posting about my week (last week).  However, it was a good week.  On Monday night after class, one of the guys' houses in the program had people over for a bonfire and s'mores.  Nothing says fall like a bonfire!  It was a fun time to get together.  I would've taken pics, but I was too busy swinging on the guys' rope swing.  (I know I'm supposed to be an adult.  It was too fun though!)

Tim

The highlight of my week was Friday night.  A group of us from the EL program went to Range USA in Bartlett for their "date night" deal.  The deal included dinner, ammo, renting their guns and a shooting lane.  I have to admit that I was very nervous.  But, it ended up being very fun.  We all got to shoot with some type of revolver and some type of 9 millimeter pistol.  (I don't know info on the guns, if you can't tell.)  It was so fun, and dinner afterwards was pretty tasty, too.  I would totally go back again!

The roommie...Elizabeth

Me!

Becca

Spencer

Classes, dinner, and a movie...

This past week was packed with classes and awesome teachings.  Altogether, we had class 4 out of the 5 days.  On Monday night and Wednesday morning, we had about 3 hours worth of teaching from Genesis, most of which I need to study and re-study.  Then, on Thursday night, the EL's had 2 hours of teaching on Bibliology.  (Never heard of it?  Welcome to the club!  I'm the President.  Ha.)  And, on Friday morning, we had 2 hours of teaching on evangelism.  So, aside from swimming in all I was taught during the week, it was good.  :)

Then, I had a pretty good weekend, too.  I had dinner with the parentals on Friday night.  Saturday, I had lunch with friends, Allen and Brittany.  (I would've taken a pic, but there's nothing that great about Chic-fil-a.)  Sunday night, my housemates and I were treated to Lee's culinary creations.  He made chicken parmesan with pasta.  We also had broccoli and garlic bread.  For dessert, we had a homemade, chocolate swirl cheesecake that Jill made.  It was all delicious!

Delicious!

Thank you, Lee!

Jill and her awesome cheesecake!

After dinner, I went to see the movie, Unconditional, with friends.  Oddly enough, I found out my 7th grade science teacher and her husband produced it.  Small world, huh?  It was a great story with several unexpected twists.  But, the overall theme was God's unconditional love for us.  Hopefully, it did well in theaters over the weekend!