A year ago today I was flying from East Asia to Memphis. I can't believe it's been a year. That's just crazy! My experience in and around East Asia was a vortex of weirdness up until a couple of months ago. And, then with the Lord's help and the help of several godly women, I was really challenged to deal with things. For the first time, I brought it all before the Lord in prayer. And, everything began to change. Finally, there are many things I see now that I didn't see before. And, there are a few things I need to get off my chest.
While I was in East Asia and after I came home, I was not a pleasant person to be around. I was jerk to my family and friends. (There's another word I could use, but it's not blog appropriate or very ladylike.) I was not myself. I was rude and hurtful. I did damage to probably every relationship in my life, including my relationship with the Lord. I see that now. I tried to do it all on my own. I tried to deal with all the changes and challenges without any help from anyone. I didn't want to tell people when I was struggling or what was difficult about the experience. I thought I could handle everything. Well, clearly, that didn't work out at all. I see that now, too. We were never meant to "do this life" alone, not here in the U.S. or wherever God may call us to go. And, that has been one of the most painful lessons I've ever had to learn.
Also, I've learned that the enemy (that's what I call him) is very really. He seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. And, for way too long, He did all of those things in my life. He stole my joy. He killed my enthusiasm for what the Lord has called me to. He destroyed my thoughts and mindset. I let the enemy have WAY TOO much say in my life. All of this happened because my relationship with the Lord was not what it should have been. And, the enemy loves to attack when we are trying to obey what God has called us to do.
In all of this, I have learned that I must take responsibility for things that went "wrong". I have learned some things happened that were out of my control. And, I have learned that sometimes the Lord allows us to experience seasons of suffering, and we may never know why. It may just be the only way He could get the most glory. Or, it may just be the only way He can teach us what we need to learn. I can promise you this though. I will never be the same because of what He has taught and is still teaching me. You know people say that time heals all wounds. I believe it's the Lord who heals all wounds.
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| East Asian cuteness! |
