I See You

Life is in full swing.  I guess this is what being an adult looks like.  Every weekend, I buy groceries, clean the house, do laundry, and run errands.  Monday comes around, and the stress and responsibilities of my job hit me.  I go to work, come home, "cook" dinner (a.k.a. find food to eat), try to relax a little, get ready for work the next day, pack a lunch, and go to bed.  I wake up the next morning and do it all over again.  It can be overwhelming at times.  Life can be overwhelming at times.  And, I often wonder.  How do people do this?  How do women have jobs, husbands, children, and all the other responsibilities that come along with being an adult?  How do they have enough time in the day, energy, and love to go around?

I often wonder will I able to do that some day.  If some day down the road God chooses to bless me with a husband and children, I wonder what it will look like.  Or, if He calls me to foster care or adoption on my own, I wonder what it will look like.  Will I have what it takes?  I'm tired now.  Will I have what it takes then?  I want to be a good mom.  I want to not only be a good mom, but a godly mom, a strong mom.  I want to discipline my kids in a way that leads them down the right path, but doesn't break their spirit.  I want to raise children who love God, love others, and learn to love themselves.  I want to lead in a way that is honorable and trustworthy.  I want to be a mom whose children respect and look up to her because I am wise, gracious, loving, forgiving, uplifting, generous, merciful, joyful, patient, gentle, and self controlled.

Then, I see you.

I see you because I work with you, go to church with you, and am just close friends with you.  I see you single mommas and married mommas come to work (or work at home) each day.  I know you've taken care of all the people in your household and made it to work on time, regardless of what miraculous feats that took.  I know you went to work, came home, cooked dinner, tried to relax a little, got ready for work the next day, packed lunches, and went to bed.  I know you woke up this morning, and you'll do it all over again today.  I can imagine it can be overwhelming at times.  Life can be overwhelming at times.  I often wonder.  How do you do this?  How do you have a job, a husband (or do it on your own), children, and all the other responsibilities that come along with being an adult?  How do you have enough time in the day, energy, and love to go around?

I see you, and you make it look easy.  YOU have what it takes.  I know you're tired, but you have what it takes.  You're a good mom.  You're a godly, strong mom.  You discipline your children in a way that clearly teaches them right from wrong.  And, your children don't have broken spirits, because you've disciplined them in love (not frustration and anger).  You're raising children to love God, love others, and learn to love themselves.  You lead in a way that is honorable and trustworthy.  YOU are a mom whose children respect and look up to you because you are wise, gracious, loving, forgiving, uplifting, generous, merciful, joyful, patient, gentle, and self controlled.

I see YOU.  And, YOU are doing an awesome job.  To some of you reading this, your greatest blessings call me (or will some day call me) Aunt Sara.  I see you, beautiful momma.  You are rocking it!  I see you when you think you look a hot mess, put your make-up on in the car, barely got to shower.  I see you when the baby cries, the toddler pitches a fit, and nothing seems to be going right.  I see you, and some day I hope to be half the mom you already are!

Easter Ramblings

This year at my church my pastor did a four week sermon series leading up to Easter Sunday.  Each week he preached from a passage about a different person and their encounter with Jesus after He had risen from the dead.  We talked about Mary Magdalene, Thomas, Peter, Paul, and you (or me in my case).  I didn't see the "you" part coming on Sunday.  (I have blonde moments.  Ok?!)  When we started the series, I thought, "Oh yeah, here we go again.  Let's do another Easter sermon series like I haven't heard it all before."  (That's awful.  I know it is.)  But, honestly, I learned so much from the last weeks of looking closely at Jesus' encounters with those He loved and continued to use after He went on to heaven.  After the first sermon on Mary, I thought that I really identified with her.  It seemed like the message was meant just for me.  But, that happened every week since, and I have identified with every person and their stories of encountering Jesus.  I have to say though, I identify most with Thomas and Peter.

I've often thought about and related to Thomas.  How he is portrayed after Jesus is crucified and appears to the disciples sounds a lot like many scenes from my own life.  I had never really thought about it before, but people gave him the nickname "Doubting Thomas".  He is not referred to by that name in the Bible.  Nonetheless, I relate to his nickname, too.  I listened to the message about the scene from John 20 over the weekend.  The story unfolds that Jesus appeared to the disciples after he was crucified and buried.  But, Thomas is not there.  Thomas hears the story second hand.  He doesn't believe the disciples and says he won't believe unless he can put his hands on Jesus' hands and side.  Eight days pass.  Eight days.  It's not a long time.  But, in Thomas' situation, I think it would have felt like an eternity.  After eight days pass, Jesus appears to the disciples again, and Thomas is there this time.  Jesus speaks to Thomas in love saying, "Peace be with you."  Jesus is not scared of Thomas' doubt.  And, by the end of the scene, Thomas has fallen to the ground at Jesus' feet in surrender.  But, did you know that we don't even know if Thomas ever touched Jesus?  Those were his "demands", but we don't know that he ever touched Jesus.

I sat and thought about Thomas and what happened in this story.  And, it reminded me so much of so many times in my life.  I'm such a "Doubting Thomas".  I have to see it to believe it.  There have been so many "eight day" seasons in my life of waiting on God and hoping He'll come through for me.  All the while, I am actually doubting Him.  I don't really have faith that He will take care of me.  I have to see it to believe it.  I remember a few years ago I made plans to go to East Asia for a year.  I made arrangements and got things in order over a period of one summer... like eight weeks.  (Hmm...there's that eight again.)  A ton of things went wrong.  I messed up my visa application so much that I was fairly certain it wouldn't work out.  But, then, it did.  God was in that.  It was ALL Him, actually.  I had to raise a fairly large amount of money to live off of for the year.  I had BIG doubts about that.  I was trying to figure out a way to pay my own way.  But, then, God had other plans, and the money was raised in less than a summer for the year to follow.  It was crazy!  God has taken care of me every time I've needed Him.  And, through it all, I doubt Him.  But, I learned through Thomas this Easter season that God can use the doubters.  He isn't scared of our doubt.  He doesn't back away from us or shy away from what we need from Him.  God wants us to know the truth.  The truth pushes out all doubt.  That's the truth I'm resting in lately.  The truth is that God used Thomas, even though he doubted Him.  And, if He can use Thomas, He can use me.

I think about Peter, too.  I relate so much to Peter it's kinda scary.  Peter was adamant about not denying Jesus when they talked about it.  In Luke 22:34, Jesus says that Peter will deny Him three times.  Peter swears he would never do such as that.  By the time you read Luke 22:62, Peter has denied Jesus three times.  I've known that part of Scripture and would consider myself to be fairly familiar with it.  But, then, my pastor lead us to John 21:15.  In this section of the chapter, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?"  I had never noticed before that Jesus asks the question three times.  Three times Jesus asks the question, and three times Peter had denied Him.  Woah!  (Again, maybe I was having a blonde moment.  Maybe, I'm the only one here.)  But, I had never thought about it or looked that closely.  In my Bible, the title of this section is "Jesus Reinstates Peter".  I looked up "reinstate".  Listed as the definition, it says: to put (someone) back in a job or position that had been taken away.  Dude!  That's deep.

So, I look at Peter and just this snapshot of his life as we read about it in Scripture.  And, it speaks volumes into my heart because I'm a big, fat sinner.  Anyway you look at it, regardless of how you dress it up, I've denied Jesus.  The year of serving in East Asia I mentioned earlier, I totally and completed jacked that up.  My sin followed me across the world and thousands of miles.  It wasn't pretty.  It was awful actually.  The tally is WAY PAST three times for me.  It's beyond three strikes; you're out!  I can't even begin to total up the times I've sinned, denied Him, lived however I wanted to live.  But, Jesus reinstates me.  He puts me back in a position that sin had taken away.  Sin doesn't get the last word.  Christ's death on the cross isn't even the final say.  It used to be that the penalty for sin was death. But, Jesus took care of that.  His resurrection has the final say, the last word!  He rose again!  Because of His resurrection, I know sin is defeated.  So, even though I've screwed up and made a mess of things, His grace is enough for me.