Loved

What a day! It was way more intense than I expected it to be - in a good way.  And, just for a random fact, I can cry better, faster, and longer than anyone I know.  I mean just when I think there are no more tears; more start to flow.  When I cry as much as I have been lately, it means that something much greater is taking place in me.  It means that I have no words to fully express how I feel and that I know what I'm doing is right.  It means that someone else is running my life.  It means that I have finally stopped trying to do this thing on my own and chosen to follow much greater plans than I could have imagined.  So, really, the tears aren't bad.  They are an outward expression of something happening on the inside.

Even though I really don't have the words to express how I feel,  I will try anyway.  I felt loved today.  I felt loved through hands on my shoulders and other people's tears.  I felt loved through words of affirmation that I'm not alone and many other people are with me in all of this.  I felt loved in cheek kisses and big, like-you-mean-it hugs.  I felt loved in perfect strangers letting me know they're for me and not against me.  I felt loved in people spending time, effort, and sweat on me.  I felt loved through paper sacks, lit with candles, lining a walkway.  I felt loved through paper lanterns, streamers, and a banner.  I felt loved through bursts of yellow and red.  I felt loved through people lying to me and keeping secrets (believe it or not). I felt loved through hot July hugs and pictures.  Lots of pictures.  I felt loved through letters and gifts.  And, I felt loved with a love that I don't deserve.  

That's what I kept thinking ALL day and night on this day.  I don't deserve any of it.  There are so many times when I let down the very people that I love.  I disappoint and discourage the people I love.  I make promises I don't keep.  I hurt people with my words and actions.  Sometimes, I tear people down instead of build them up.  And, it is usually the people I love most that I hurt the worst.  I don't deserve that kind of love.  

But, that's the thing I'm learning about love.  And, it is a good lesson to learn.  Love, real love, is unconditional.  It is extravagant.  It knows no bounds.  It keeps no record of wrong.  And, it is undeserved.  So, for those of you who loved me today and will in the days to come, thank you.  I couldn't do this without you.  And, it means more than you know.